DON’T JUST HAVE SEX… MAKE LOVE!

February 28th, 2013

Don’t just have sex… make love! Most people, when they hear the words “making love,” immediately assume it means having a sexual exchange. Have you ever really considered why that is? This description of sex is used because through the ages sex has been and still is one of the best ways we humans have to create more love:  in our relationship, in our lives, and on the planet.

Unfortunately, having sex doesn’t always equal making love. Creating more love isn’t what people are taught to think about as the most important thing to focus on when they’re having sex. Are you interested in turning your ordinary sex life into an extraordinary love making adventure? I will be helping you get closer to this reality right here with insights, wisdom, tips and easy things to do!

It can be quite a journey, but the vistas on the journey are full of lovely blossoms.

Islamic View To Sexual Problems and FACTS

The hymen




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Many people are under the impression that the hymen is located within the vagina. It is not. It’s a mucous membrane that is part of the vulva, the external genital organs. It’s located outside the vagina. The hymen is a layer of tissue, just like the tissue around the opening of your vagina that partially conceals the vaginal orifice. You may or may not have one, most females do. The hymen is not an indicator of virginity; a girl is a virgin until she has been penetrated by a penis.
During the early stages of fetal development there is no opening into the vagina at all. The thin layer of tissue that conceals the vagina at this time usually divides incompletely prior to birth, forming the hymen. The size and shape of this opening (or openings) varies greatly from person to person.
Sometimes this formation of an opening does not occur, resulting in an imperforated hymen (it lacks the more common opening). Some females have no hymen at birth at all, since the tissue divided completely while they were still in the womb.
Many girls and teens tear or otherwise dilate their hymen while participating in sports like bicycling, horseback riding, gymnastics or inserting tampons, or while masturbating (for Islamic view of masturbation, check the fatwa section). A girl may not even know this has occurred, since there may be little or no blood or pain involved when this happens. The tissues of the vulva are generally very thin and delicate prior to puberty. The presence or absence of a hymen in no way indicates whether or not a female is a virgin. * You are a virgin until you have sexual intercourse.*
Some hymens are elastic enough to permit a penis to enter without tearing, or they tear only partially, and there is NO bleeding at all. When adequately lubricated the vagina is fairly 'flexible' and will stretch without discomfort for most women. Sometimes, a woman has sex for years with no real 'tearing' at all, only stretching of the hymen and then at another time the same woman might tear from 'rough sex' or sex with a different partner with a larger penis. Remnants of the hymen are usually still present until a woman delivers a baby vaginally.

Female Reproductive System

Understanding your reproductive system is an important part of knowing how to prevent or increase your chances of pregnancy. While most women know the basics, many don't realize that there is more to your reproductive system than just your period.

• Ovulation and the Menstrual Cycle

Every month, your body goes through normal and natural changes that assist your ovaries in releasing an egg, which may or may not get fertilized during the month. This process is known as the menstrual cycle. Day one of your cycle is the first day of menstruation; this is the first day that you bleed during your period. The length of your cycle can vary every month. To determine your cycle's length, simply count the days from the first day of your period up to, but not including, the first day of your next period. The average woman's menstrual cycle last about 28 days but it is perfectly normal for your cycle to last anywhere from 24 to 34 days.
The typical menstrual cycle begins with your period during which time your low hormone levels signal to your body to begin producing more hormones. Although your egg follicles will begin to develop as many as 20 eggs, only one will mature and be released into your fallopian tube about halfway through your menstrual cycle. The process of your egg follicles releasing the egg is known as ovulation. On average, ovulation occurs 14 days before the start your period. However, it is normal for a woman to ovulate anywhere from 12 to 18 days before menstruation.
This increase in hormones not only helps to develop an egg but also your endometrium (the lining of the uterus), which becomes thicker and more suitable for implantation of a fertilized egg. Your cervical mucus also changes as your cycle progresses, going from dry and thick at the start of your cycle to thin and slippery around the time of ovulation. This thinner cervical mucus will make it easier for sperm to swim towards the fallopian tubes and the released egg.
Once an egg has been released, the sides of the fallopian tube periodically spasm aiding the egg in traveling down the tube towards the uterus. If the egg fails to be fertilized during this time, it will break up once it reaches the uterus. Additionally, since your thickened endometrium is also no longer needed as there is no fertilized egg to implant itself into the lining, the lining will shed over a period of three to eight days. This discharge is what makes up your menstrual flow.





















The uterus, located in a woman's abdomen, is a hollow, elastic reproductive organ, where a baby develops during pregnancy.

• A Woman's Reproductive System

Your reproductive organs are comprised of a vagina, a cervix, a uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. All of these organs work together to help you menstruate, conceive and carry a baby to term.

• Vagina: This tube like structure connects your internal reproductive organs with your external genitalia. It ends at the cervix and is the point of entry for the penis during sex as well as the final passageway through which a baby exits when it is born.
  
• Cervix: This part of your reproductive organs is situated between the vagina and uterus. It secretes mucus that can help or obstruct sperm from fertilizing an egg. The cervix is the opening that sperm must pass through in order to get to an egg. A baby must also go through the cervix as it exits the uterus and enters the vagina.
  
• Uterus: Also known as the womb, the uterus is a muscular organ made up of three layers: the peritoneum (outer layer), myometrium (middle layer)and endometrium (inner lining). An egg that has been fertilized will implant itself into the endometrium lining and will continue to develop in the uterus throughout the pregnancy.
  
• Fallopian Tubes: The fallopian tubes extend off the upper sides of the uterus and lead up to the ovaries. They have 20 to 25 finger-like structures on their ends that hover just above the ovaries and work to collect the mature egg when it is released. It is in the fallopian tubes that fertilization of the egg will take place.
  
• Ovaries: Women usually have two ovaries, one on each side of the uterus. Ovaries are the storing house for your egg follicles; every month, one of these egg follicles will mature and release an egg into the fallopian tubes. The ovaries are also responsible for producing estrogen and progesterone, which are vital for proper reproductive function.
  
• Conception and Pregnancy:Once an egg has been released from the ovaries, it will begin to travel down the fallopian tubes towards the uterus. As it advances towards the uterus, it begins to produce an enzyme that helps to attract and guide any sperm that may have been ejaculated into the female reproductive system during sex.
  Although a man releases millions of sperm when he ejaculates during orgasm, only a few hundred will be able to make it all the way from the cervix up into the uterus and then into the correct fallopian tube. Just one sperm will then be able to make its way through your eggs tough coating to fertilize the egg. The fertilized egg will then continue traveling down the fallopian tube to the uterus. Once in the uterus, the egg will implant itself into the endometrial lining and officially become an embryo. Your body will also probably start letting you know that it is pregnant now.
  
• Trying to Conceive

A woman is fertile only for a few days during each menstrual cycle. If you are trying to conceive, it is a good idea to chart and monitor the changes in your body every month. This will help you identify just when ovulation is taking place. Charting your monthly changes can also be beneficial to those women who are trying to avoid pregnancy. If you know when you are ovulating, you can know when to abstain from sex or use birth control.
You are most likely to become pregnant if you have sex on or near the time of ovulation. Once ovulation has occurred, there is only about a 24-hour window in which the egg can be fertilized. However, while an egg has a very limited lifespan, sperm can remain viable inside a woman anywhere from three to seven days. Therefore, a woman is thought to be most fertile from several days before to one day after she has ovulated.

Diaphragm

If you are thinking about becoming sexually active, or if you are already engaging in sexual activity, you may be thinking about investing in a reliable form of birth control. When used effectively, birth control methods can help to guard against unplanned pregnancies, and may even help to protect against certain STDs. The diaphragm is a very popular choice for women when it comes to contraception. A very comfortable and affordable option, the diaphragm can be washed and reused, and has been proven to be very effective against pregnancy.


What is the Diaphragm?The diaphragm is a type of barrier birth control that is used to prevent sperm from entering the uterus. Made out of a thin, flexible silicone rubber, the diaphragm looks much like a small dome or cup. Designed with a flexible ring around the top, the diaphragm is inserted into the vagina prior to sexual intercourse. The diaphragm should be used along with a spermicidal cream or jelly in order to increase its effectiveness. Diaphragms are available by prescription from your health care provider.

• How Does the Diaphragm Work?

The diaphragm works by creating a barrier between sperm and your uterus. The diaphragm slides into place behind your pubic bone, completely covering your cervix. This prevents any sperm deposited during sexual intercourse from swimming through your cervix and into your uterus, where fertilization of an egg could take place. Spermicide placed inside of the dome and around the rim of the diaphragm helps to kill any sperm that comes into contact with it. As a result, sperm is prevented from slipping around the diaphragm and swimming into your uterus.

• Fitting a Diaphragm

Unlike other birth control options, diaphragms need to be fitted by your health care provider. It is essential that you get a diaphragm that is well fitted because improperly fitted diaphragms can lead to pregnancy. During a pelvic exam (in which your health care practitioner feels your ovaries, fallopian tubes, and cervix) your vagina will be measured in order to determine the size of your diaphragm. Your doctor will insert a number of different sized rubber rings inside your vagina. Your diaphragm will correspond to the largest sized ring that you find comfortable.
It is important to get your health care provider to check the fitting of your diaphragm every year or so. If you gain or lose weight, become pregnant, or give birth to a baby, it is likely that your diaphragm will no longer fit properly. This could increase your chances of pregnancy. Diaphragms need to be replaced every two to three years. They typically cost between $30 and $70.

• Using a Diaphragm

When you are fitted for your diaphragm, your health care provider will teach you how to insert, remove, and use your diaphragm properly. Diaphragms can be inserted up to six hours prior to intercourse. However, you will need to add more spermicide inside of your vagina every two hours, or each time you have sexual intercourse. For this reason, it is usually recommended that you insert your diaphragm no more than two hours prior to sexual intercourse.
Before inserting your diaphragm, you will need to place spermicide jelly or cream inside of the cup of the diaphragm. About a teaspoon is required. Also rub spermicide around the rim and edges of the diaphragm. To insert the diaphragm, pinch the rim of the cup together, so that the diaphragm folds in half. Push it inside of your vagina until the diaphragm cannot move anymore. Fold the tip of the diaphragm up behind your pelvic bone. You should not be able to feel the diaphragm.
You should not remove the diaphragm until at least six hours after you have had sexual intercourse. Do not leave the diaphragm inside your vagina for more than 24 hours. To remove, place your finger under the rim of the diaphragm and pull down and out. Be careful not to puncture the rubber diaphragm with your fingernail. Wash the diaphragm with warm water and soap and place it inside of its protective case. Do not put talcum powder, vaginal creams, or oil-based lotions on the diaphragm; this can cause it to crack and increase your risk of pregnancy.

• How Effective is the Diaphragm?

When used correctly, the diaphragm is a very effective way of guarding against an unplanned pregnancy. However, as with the cervical cap and lease shield, the failure rate associated with the diaphragm does vary, depending upon how you use it. It is essential that your diaphragm fits well and that you use it every time you have sexual intercourse. You must also use it in combination with a spermicidal cream or jelly. When used perfectly, the diaphragm is more than 91% effective.

• Advantages of Using the Diaphragm

The diaphragm is associated with a number of advantages:
The diaphragm is easy to insert and remove.
The diaphragm is inexpensive and reusable.
When inserted correctly, the diaphragm cannot be felt by either partner.
The diaphragm does not affect future fertility or your menstrual cycle.

Disadvantages of Using the Diaphragm

The diaphragm does come with a few disadvantages:
If left in for more than 24 hours, the diaphragm can increase your risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS).
Continual use of spermicide can irritate the lining of your vagina and possibly increase your risk of contracting an STD.
The diaphragm can increase the likelihood of bladder infections.
The diaphragm does not protect against STDs In order to protect against STDs, it is imperative that you use a condom every time you have sex.

Having Sex During Your Period: Q&A

• Is it Safe To Have Sex During Your Period?

Many men and women worry that having sexual intercourse during a woman�s period is unhealthy. Though frowned upon in many cultures and faiths, sexual intercourse during menstruation is entirely normal and completely healthy.
Worries about this act generally stem from societal misconceptions about menstrual blood: most girls are taught from a young age that their menstrual blood is unclean and "dirty," and therefore should be hidden and contained at all times. However, menstrual blood is an entirely natural bodily fluid, and does not in anyway affect a man�s penis or a woman�s reproductive tract. As long as you are engaging in safe and protected sexual intercourse, it is entirely alright for you and your partner to have sex during your period.

• What About Oral Sex?

Though some men and women may find the thought of oral sex during menstruation a little bit off-putting, many partners do engage in this act. If you and your partner are considering having oral sex during your period, rest assured, it is entirely safe to do so. However, because menstrual blood can contain STD bacteria or viruses, it is essential that you and your partner use appropriate protection. Use a dental dam throughout oral sex as well as a condom during sexual intercourse.

• Does Sex Help to Manage Period Pains?

Many women find that sexual intercourse actually helps to relieve period pains and menstrual cramps. This is because an orgasm can cause your uterus to contract, enabling it to use up excess prostaglandins in the process. Prostagladins are hormones produced by your uterine lining. They help to stimulate contractions that move menstrual blood out of the uterus, and are also responsible for those cramps that occur throughout your period.

• Can You Get Pregnant During Your Period?

Though possible, it is highly unlikely that you will get pregnant during your monthly menstrual cycle. During your period, your body works to shed the uterine lining that it has been building up over the last month, in preparation for pregnancy. When you don�t become pregnant, small uterine contractions begin, encouraging the unfertilized egg and unused endometrium to be shed from the uterus and through the vagina. This means that there is no egg in the fallopian tubes to become fertilized and no lining to help a developing embryo to implant properly.
This being said, there is a small possibility of pregnancy during your period. Women often mistake slight bleeding that can occur with ovulation as their period. Unprotected sex at this time can greatly increase your chances of becoming pregnant. Additionally, sperm can live in the female reproductive system for up to three days. Because some women ovulate at the very end of their menstrual periods, sperm may still be alive at this point, and able to fertilize an egg.

• Can You Avoid Catching an STD if You Have Sex During Your Period?

There are a number of myths going around that it is impossible to contract a sexually transmitted disease if you have sex while you are menstruating. Unfortunately, this myth is completely false, and you and your partner are still at risk for contracting any type of STD if you have unprotected sex during menstruation.
Menstrual blood, like semen and vaginal secretions, contains the HIV virus as well as the bacteria associated with a number of other STDS, including Syphilis and chlamydia. Additionally, many women experience herpes outbreaks during their monthly periods, which may actually increase your risk of spreading this disease to your sexual partner. When engaging in sex, no matter what time of the month it is, it is necessary to wear a condom in order to prevent STD transmission.

• Can Having Sex During Menstruation End Your Period?

If you have had sexual intercourse during menstruation you may have noticed that your period comes to an abrupt end within a day of intercourse. Though you may be worried that somehow your menstrual blood has "backed up" or gotten stuck somewhere in your reproductive tract, this is not the case. In fact, your period has probably ended because sexual intercourse has stimulated an increased number of contractions in your uterus, causing your body to expel your menstrual blood more quickly.
During orgasm, your uterus goes through a number of muscular contractions, which can help to speed up menstruation; as your uterus contracts, the endometrial lining begins to shift and is forced out through the vagina. Additionally, semen contains prostaglandins, hormones responsible for causing uterine contractions. The combination of prostaglandins and orgasm may contribute to an increased number of uterine contractions and therefore cause the rest of your menstrual blood to be quickly shed.

• How do You Avoid Making a Mess When Having Sex During Your Period?

Women and men often dislike having sex during menstruation because of the mess that it can cause. However, with a little careful planning you can keep the mess contained and focus on enjoying the experience.
If you are going to have sexual intercourse, try to get your partner to straddle you while you are lying on your back: this will help to slow the bleeding. Lay down some spare towels or sheets beforehand, so that it will absorb any excess blood. You may want to think about wearing a Diaphrgm or cervical cap during sexual intercourse. These will protect you from pregnancy and work to contain any menstrual fluid. However, these barrier methods of birth control should not be used on an everyday basis to collect menstrual blood. Although they are similar, diaphragms and cervical caps are not the same as menstrual cups.

Illustrations of the hymen in various states

This shows the names of the parts of the vulva. The rest of the illustrations do not have labels.

This is a perfect annular hymen. It is called annular because the hymen forms a ring around the vaginal opening. As the hymen starts to erode from sexual or other activity, the hymen becomes less ring-like.

This is a crescentic, or lunar, hymen. It forms a crescent shape, like a half moon, above or (as in this case) below the vaginal opening.

The hymen of a female with some sexual or masturbatory (internal) experience is apt to look something like this. Note that it is much less ring-like than the annular hymen.

This is what the hymen of a female who has only had a small amount of sexual activity or object insertion would look like. Health professionals who examine hymens for signs of sexual abuse are usually most interested in the posterior part of the hymen, from the 3 o'clock to 9 o'clock position. This is normally where the hymen breaks when the vagina is first penetrated.
This is the vulva of a woman who has given birth. The hymen is completely gone, or nearly so.
One in 2000 girls is born with an imperforate hymen. A doctor will do surgery to create a hole in the hymen of such a newborn.
This is a rare cribriform hymen, characterized by many small holes. This type of hymen lets menstrual and other fluids out with no problem, but sexual activity and the insertion of tampons can be problematic.
This is a rare denticular hymen, so called because it looks like a set of teeth surrounding the vaginal opening.


This is a rare fimbriated hymen, with an irregular pattern around the vaginal opening.

This rare labial hymen looks like a third set of vulvar lips.

Some girls are born with only a tiny hole in their hymens. Surgery is also necessary for these newborns to create a larger vaginal opening.

This rarity is called a septate hymen because of the piece of hymen that makes a septum, or bridge, across the vaginal opening.

This is the rare subseptate hymen, similar to the septate hymen only not making a bridge all the way across. Doesn't this remind you of the view into your throat with the uvula hanging down?

Massage

Massage
is one of the easiest ways of attaining and maintaining good
health and well being. It’s a healing instinct, innate
in all of us, to rub an aching knee, or stroke a furrowed brow.
Headaches, aches and pains, insomnia, tension and stress can
all be alleviated with one simple instrument -- our hands.

The basis of massage is touch. There is increasing medical evidence to
show the great value of touch. Touch is so natural that without
it people become depressed and irritable. Observations show
that children brought up in families where parents and children
touch each other are healthier and more able to withstand pain
and infection than those children deprived of touch. They tend
to sleep better, are more sociable and generally happier.

Despite
all the evidence to show the benefits of touch, we are still
hesitant about touching each other. We think this is due to
a confusion between sensuality and sexuality. Because we are
so afraid of the connection between sex and touch, we have formalized
touch. There are only a few occasions when adults are allowed
to touch each other freely. Massage removes the taboos of touching
and allows people to touch in a positive way.

Benefits of Massage

Massage has amazing effects on the health of the person being massaged.
It improves circulation, relaxes muscles, aids digestion, and
by stimulating the lymph system, speeds up the elimination of
waste products. These direct benefits, combined with the psychological
benefits of feeling cared for quickly produce a wonderful feeling
of well-being that cannot be matched by modern drugs.You can
easily manage to massage yourself. Use self-massage to energize
yourself before school or work in the morning, or to unwind
in the evening. You can massage your feet while watching TV,
or massage your hands while talking on the phone. You do not
need to undress, but you must be comfortable. Use oil if you
are massaging on bare skin. Sit in a chair or on the floor,
or lie down with your knees bent and your feet on the floor.

SHOULDERS

Most people suffer from occasional stiff necks, aching shoulders
and headaches, so the shoulders are the perfect place to begin
self-massage.

1.
Stroke your right shoulder with your left hand. Mold your hand
to the curves of your body. Starting at the base of your skull,
stroke down the side of your neck, over your shoulder and down
your arm to the elbow. Glide back to your neck and repeat at
least three times. Then do the other side.

2.
Make circular pressures with your fingertips on either side
of the spine. Work up the neck and around the base of the skull.
Then knead each shoulder; squeeze and release the flesh on your
shoulders and at the top of your arms.

3.
Loosely clench your left hand into a fist and gently pound your
right shoulder. Keep your wrist flexible. This springy movement
improves the circulation and can be very invigorating if you
are tired. Repeat on the other side.

4.

Finish by stroking softly and smoothly both hands.
Start with your hands on the side of your face and glide them
gently down under your chin. Slide your hands past each other
at the front of the neck, so that each hand is on the opposite
shoulder. Stroke gently over your shoulders, down your arms
and off at the fingertips. Repeat as often as you like. This
hypnotic stroke is so relaxing and can relieve headaches and
tension.

LEGS

Knowing how to massage your own legs is very useful whether you are athletic or not. Leg massage can relieve aching after standing
too long & help tired muscles recover after exercise. It stimulates the lymph system and regular thigh massage is believed
by many to improve the appearance of thighs by smoothing them
out & preventing cellulite. Do the whole sequence on one
leg first, then the other one.

1.
First, mold your hands to the shape of your leg, rest your foot
flat and bend your knee up. Start by stroking your whole leg
from ankle to thigh with one hand on each side of the leg. Begin
at the foot and stroke smoothly up the calf, over the knee and
up to the top of the thigh. Repeat five times.

2.
Knead the whole thigh, paying attention to the front and outside.
With alternate hands, rhythmically squeeze and release the flesh.
This regular kneading can really improve the shape & texture
of the thighs.

3.
After that step, smooth your thigh by stroking it. Stroke up
the thigh from the knee with one hand following the other.

4.
Pummel the front and outside of your thighs with loosely clenched
fists. This bouncy movement brings blood to the surface and
relieves stiffness after sitting down for too long.

5. Massage all around your knee, stroke the area
gently, then apply circular pressures with your fingertips around
the kneecap. Finish by stroking softly behind your knee up toward
your body.

6.
Knead your calf muscles with both hands, alternating squeezing
the muscle away from the bone & then releasing it. Then
gently soothe the area by gently stroking, one hand following
the other up the back of the leg.

FEET

It's easy to massage your own feet. If you are sitting up, rest one
foot on the opposite leg. Bad posture, back ache and fatigue
can all stem from unnoticed foot problem. By massaging your
feet daily you can refresh your whole body.

1.
Put one hand on top of the foot and the other under the sole,
then stroke smoothly from your toes to your ankles. Glide your
hands back to your toes and repeat.

2.
Support your foot with one hand and work on each toe individually.
Squeeze it firmly, and gently stretch each toe with a gentle
pull.

3.
With
one thumb on top of the other, do a line of firm pressures down
the center of the sole and lines on either side. Then, with
one thumb, do circular pressures on the arch and the ball of
the foot.

4.
Support your foot with one hand and make the other into a loose
fist. Do knuckling movements all over the sole by rippling your
fingers around in small circular movements.

5.
Then, still holding the foot with one hand, hack the sole with
your other hand, Flick your hand away the moment you touch the
foot, so that the effect is light and springy.

6.
Stroke around the ankle with your fingertips, as you stroke
up toward the leg and gently as you glide back. Finish by stroking
the foot as you did at the beginning.

ABDOMEN

It is natural to rub your stomach when it aches, and any form of
massage, however basic, is extremely comforting. It is also good
for menstrual cramps. Lie down to massage your abdomen with your
knees bent up.

1.
Stroke clockwise around your abdomen with one hand following the
other in a circle, using the whole surface of your hands.

2.
Knead all over your abdomen with your fingers and thumbs. Then
roll onto your side to knead your hips and bottom. Turn onto your
back and stroke around your abdomen again.

3.
Pummeling hips: To wake yourself up after a massage, pummel your
hips and bottom vigorously. Stand up and with loosely clenched
fists, pummel the area very quickly. Not only does this leave
you feeling refreshed and energized, it also improves the circulation,
muscle tone and skin texture. Keep
your wrists very flexible. Flick your hands away as soon as you
strike the skin.